So in the kitchen I am continuing on my journey to feed my five. My resolution is to cut out more sugar and teach my kiddos that we can have super yummy food without eating a bunch of yuck!

I am choosing to make it a little easier on myself though. I am a very visual person. I saw a really great idea on pinterest, which came from Better Homes and Gardens.

The picture of the board I saw is way different and a lot more involved. I had this magnet board already with the weekly chalkboard thinger on it. I had intended to do meal planning on this a long time ago, but writing on it every week seemed tedious and did not last long.

I have been writing out recipes that the family likes and keeping them in a recipe binder, so now I am simply pulling out a couple of recipes for the week and placing them on the day they are going to be used. Now everything is visible and I can grab my recipe card right off there, make it and put it away and there is a spot for next week. So easy. (I bet you sense a theme here. I need things to be visible and easy to do, but who doesn’t!) I also have my note pad right beside it with a magnet on the back so I can write down exactly what I need for the week’s meals. Voila!

We had a lot of delicious yummy’s over Christmas, thanks to family feeding us. Now we are getting back on track. This is what I had for lunch:

This was YUMMY! I cooked up some tomatoes, zucchini, onion, red pepper and 4 egg whites. I usually just use a pan for this, but I made the family cinnamon french toast, so I used the griddle today. Took forever, but worth it. mmmmmmmm…. Oh and I topped it with salsa.

and I feel like a jerk.

I was at work all day, then had an appointment and then a meeting. I didn’t see my kids pretty much until about 9 tonight.

Why do I feel like a jerk. Well, when I got home, my middle boy came upstairs and as soon as he saw me burst into tears, told me his close friends mom had died and then wrapped his arms around me for a hug.

Well, I felt pretty awful. I have been rushing around today, getting things done, trying to stay on task while a family is hurting in the worst sort of way. And my son at home worrying about his friend.

Jai told me they made a card for him at school, but thought that maybe him and two of his friends could go over and see him. He didn’t really know what else to do. I told him he could just be a good friend and be there if when his friend needed him. What else is there to do.

This is not the first time he has experienced the death of a friends parent, but it is never easy.

I am and will continue to pray for the family and for Jaiden and all the friends of this little man who care so much about him and wish they could do more.

I am in that place. I am tired of feeling terrible and being negative. I am tired of never being prepared, not having meals on the table, not spending time on my spiritual life, never getting to the gym and just generally feeling like I am useless!

My life is busy, but that is no reason to let things go, that is simply an excuse. “I am too busy” is an over-used excuse in my life. And today it ends.

I spent today preparing meals and snacks for the week. I have made sweet potatoe sherperds pie, a clean eat from the gracious pantry, and it smells like wonderful on a fork! I have made chocolate chip protein bars, banana bread and applesauce pumpkin muffins, a great breakfast option. I am also going to spend some time and make chocolate bean cake cupcakes.

I feel like I spend way to much money on snacks in lunch kits and eating out, not to mention the poor quality of nutrition we receive through eating in this fashion. I think that being prepared and spending some time in the kitchen is going to make a huge difference in my life and my families. As I said, I have tonights supper ready to go, tomorrow nights just needs to be thrown in the oven for half an hour, Wednesday will be a crock pot chicken taco stew (seriously mmmmmm!) and Thursday I think will be left over day. Friday I am thinking panini on my grill!

I am also writing my life on a HUGE calendar that a very sweet friend bought for me. I don’t expect my life to go perfectly as planned, but if I have a rough guideline, I can function a little easier, and slide over those bumps in the road with a little more gracefulness than usual.

I often feel guilty about going to the gym. The kids get home at 4 and I get home at 5 and I feel like I should be getting supper on and spend some time with them. Having meals planned and ready to go when I get home sure makes me feel less guilty about spending that time on myself.An added bonus: the boys are old enough now, they can turn on the oven and pop in whatever needs to be put in for and we can enjoy a meal time together.

One other thing I want to incorporate into my day is spending breakfast with my kids before they head out. I would like us to have a morning prayer together and share a bible verse. I can’t think of a better way to prepare yourself for the day.

Sometimes I allows myself to get very negative throughout my day. There are things about my job I dislike, but you know what? I have it pretty decent. I work Monday through Friday with every second friday off. I don’t have to work outside and my employer is pretty understanding if I have to run to the school for a child or some other scenerio. Plus, what job doesn’t have a crap part? So I am going to start looking at the negative portions of my job with a positive attitude.

There are so many things to change in my life. I think I am making big steps in changing that.

ps. if you want you can follow my supper time battle. I have decided to blog about it: “Dinner Time Chonicles“

There is no other choice. If I didn’t have the strength God gave me, I would be a hopeless wreck right now.

My past week has been terrible. No one has died, but I am mourning a loss and grieving something I maybe never had to begin with. I am not going to discuss that loss here, I don’t think a blog is the place for such airing out.

This past week, I have questioned my self-worth on so many levels. In my relationships and my day to day life.

Why do I still struggle with feeling so useless all the time so deeply?  How can I be 31 and still having these inner conversations about whether I am good enough. Why do I put such pressure on myself.

I want to be good at the things that I do and take part in. I just can’t seem to bring myself to actually succeed. It is like I spend my timing failing at things because I am convinced I am not worthy of being successful in them.

Thanks to encouraging friends, a loving mommy and a relatively understanding husband, I have fought through another episode of self-berating and self-loathing.

God loves me just the way I am, AJ loves me just the way I am and so do my friends and my kids….

Why can’t I seem too…..

I have been reading James. I am not going to lie, there are some hard parts in there, parts that just eat away at the hard bits of your heart. The words bring shame and guilt to the surface, if you are being honest with yourself, and the desire to do something about that.

It is something that I really needed to read.

The last few months, have been a struggle in my heart. Well, no, not really true. There has been a struggle between my heart and my head. What I should and shouldn’t do. Imagine a little evil Trinda on one shoulder and a little good Trinda on the other.

You see, my brain thinks it knows so much. I have been doing what I like to do and not necessarily what I should be doing. It is just so much easier to do what I feel like, than it is to follow where I am being led.

James certainly takes the wind out of the “I can just believe, be faithful and  choose to do what I feel like and everything will be just fine” sails.

James touches on so many things I need to hear in my life right now. Taming the tongue, faith without works is pointless, the promise of God’s closeness… so much encouragement and challenges laid down for a life.

Of all the words in these chapters, two stick out in my mind and I keep coming back to them over and over.

“….wisdom’s gentleness.”  -found in James 3:13

These two words just keep floating through my mind. They make so much sense together. Think about how beautiful that is. Wisdom’s Gentleness. Let it sink in.

HERO

My Hero is my Grandpa. When I was little my family lived in my grandpa’s house. (Whenever I got in trouble I used to call for my Grandpa.)

One time I got to ride on a tractor with him and he taught me how to drive a quad.

I wasn’t happy when he went into the hospital, but when he got out….I was EXCITED!!

My Grandpa is really special to me!

By ZACK.

So simple and yet so perfectly said.

A necessity these days.

If you pay attention to the news you know that we are in the midst of a flood. AJ and I personally do not have to deal with the river. But we a massive slough looming at our doorstep, literally, and another slough about a  1/4 mile north just waiting to come join us. Yikes.

Her xray of the break

Last wednesday, Gabby broke her leg. This meant a quick trip to Regina to see the specialist. She is now sporting a glow in the dark cast that starts at her toes and runs to her hip. Poor little thing. She is doing so well though. She has her moments where everything just stinks, but for the most part she is really holding up. All the pampering and love and presents have helped too.

The last  week has been trying and the next few promise to continue on that trend. However, we have had many blessings and those far out way the trials.

My blessings list this week:
- Gabby did not need surgery or even the bone set.
- We are still dry and we have a home, many here have lost their homes entirely
- The trees in our yard are growing like crazy with all this rain
- We get to listen to and watch wildlife in out our windows (we are waiting for the babies to start swimming)
- We can canoe right from our back door
- I have gotten to snuggle lots this week with Gab
- There are such kind and willing people at school to help Gab
- I am surrounded with people willing to help out
- AJ has had lots of work through road bans

So much to be thankful for, makes it hard to be upset. It is after all just a basement, and bones will heal.

The last couple of months I am really struggling in certain aspects of my life. Don’t get me wrong. I have a great life. I have a great husband, great friends and great kids!

I am my own worst enemy.

I convince myself to often that I am not good enough. I am not the ideal person I wish myself to be. And I don’t know that I am the person I am meant to be.

Maybe because I find it confusing I am blessed in such a way. How am I deserving of this honour. What gives me such a right to have such a good life.  I dunno.

I have spent time wallowing in this disgusting rut of thought processes.

Oh poor me.

I too often forget all the beautiful and wonderful things about myself. I am a talented, creative person. I am athletic, I am dedicated to my family and I am a loyal friend. I have passion in the things I choose to be involved in, and I am dedicated to those things. I am funny and witty and love to laugh.

I am trying to focus my mind. To set my sights on encouragement and strength. To center myself in my faith and to find that place I need to be, in order for me to be the person I am meant to be.

Why does life have to be so darn overwhelming sometimes?

I made dirty rice from a cook book and scallops. The scallops are so YUMMY!!

I kind of slapped stuff together.

This is what I did in case you want to try it.

I put it all in a pan, heated it slightly and then added the scallops and cooked til done.

This was really yummy. I love lemon.

mmmmmm.

I haven’t used it a whole lot in the last 6 or 7 months. Bad, Bad I know! But, it had a booboo and wasn’t working super well. The focus screen got dirt in it, then a scratch, thanks to yours truly attempting to clean it!! (I apparently should only touch the outside of the camera….not anything even remotely close to the inside….AAAAAAH!

However, I finally sucked it up and took it to the doctor. I have really been missing it and can hardly wait to get it back and get shooting again. I was asked to do some grad portraits which I am totally excited and pumped to do because the girls are absolutely gorgeous all the time, I can hardly wait to see them in beautiful gowns and the hair all done up! Exciting!

This weekend has been wonderful.

I stayed home. I cleaned my house, got all my tax stuff ready to go, filed all my paper stuff, did some laundry and the kids rooms got a cleaning, sigh. That feels better. I have not had a weekend at home in sometime and when I did I was on crutches or sitting with my leg up!

Today is a lovely sunshiny day of -5 (with windchill). I love that sunshine makes things all better!

You should check this out! I want to protest winter as well! HAHA!

Happy almost spring!